


On The Borderline

by KalinaEverdeen



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, I'm Still Bad At Tagging, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Watford (Simon Snow)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 17:41:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14794991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KalinaEverdeen/pseuds/KalinaEverdeen
Summary: And there they are. The words he's waited his whole life to hear.But this is all wrong.





	On The Borderline

**Author's Note:**

> Another soulmate au from me? It's more likely than you'd think.

**Year One**

Thrumming with energy, the whole of the first year mill about the courtyard, some huddled in tight bundles of nerves and excitement. Stood apart from the crowd, perhaps the most nervous of them all, is a boy with constantly darting eyes and a carefully practised sneer to ward off conversation. He feels pulled tight with apprehension at being back here, his stomach twisted into confused knots as he connects his surroundings with his hazy memories. Not that you could tell. Outwardly he exudes confidence.

The Mage calls out an order and the year group eagerly rush to form a circle around the fire in the centre of the courtyard, giggling and pushing to try and get there faster. The silent boy finds a space in the circle and scans it until his eyes latch onto a boy with bronze curls.

_Simon Snow._

Despite attempting to shoot him a scowl, the boy feels a pounding in his chest and a sudden dryness to his throat that gives him pause. He hurriedly averts his gaze as the Mage calls out an incantation.

_No time for distractions._ He thinks, watching with just as much anticipation as the rest of the year as the iron melts.

When he feels the tug in his stomach he lets it lead him, stepping at his own pace and holding his head up high until he reaches the boy. And not just any boy. His roommate for the next eight years. It's with a jolt that he realises who's ended up right in front of him, hand thrust out and blue eyes too wide in his head.

Seeing Simon Snow stood with his hand out freezes the boy and he finds himself just staring at his hand when everything goes from bad to worse.

"For fucks sake, please just shake it."

And there they are. The words he's waited his whole life to hear.

But this is all wrong.

It wasn't meant to be _him_.

His mind jumbles with panic, trying to find a way to stop this, to make the words on his forearm change so that they don't match the words that he just heard.

And then he has a solution. An awful, awful solution.

He clasps Simon's hand in his, locks eyes with him and says,

"Hi."

Simon's eyebrows shoot upwards with shocked hope as he reads the other boy's face for any sign of recognition but fall back down after a moment. The other boy would have laughed if he wasn't too busy lamenting how fucking tragic his life was.

"I'm Simon. Simon Snow."

Swallowing hard and willing his steely mask not to fade, the other boy said, "I know. I'm Baz."

\---

**Year Four**

It's their forth year at Watford when Simon starts dating Agatha and Baz can't help but wonder bitterly why they even bother. People don't always strictly date their soulmate but but most non-soulmate relationships are looked upon with doubt, like their love must be fake. Baz knows that that's not true (his Mother and Father were soulmates but he's perfectly happy with Daphne now) but it does nothing to quench the burning jealousy.

Especially since he _knows_ that Simon is meant to be his.

Simon doesn't bother to cover the neat word written on his arm, the dot of the _i_ almost looking like one of his numerous moles.

Baz, on the other hand, wears strictly long sleeve shirts. He refuses to remove his blazer and, even on the hottest days, wears an undershirt playing football. The thought of Simon seeing the words, the thought of him _knowing_...

So Baz does nothing but shoot glares and jabs at Simon and Agatha, taking satisfaction in making Simon go off, in the sweet burn that comes from Simon's attention being fully focused on him, not anyone else. It sets him on fire and turns him to ice all at the same time. It makes his heart stop and hammer so hard that he fears it's break his ribs. It kills him every time.

And he always goes back for more.

\---

**Year Five**

Fifth year was when things really started to get out of hand. Whereas before Baz felt a basic instinctual _want_ for Simon, he now felt like a moth drawn to the flame. He'd find himself gravitating towards him, even if to just insult him (again, the attention was addictive). 

It was one night when he was watching him sleep, mapping constellations onto the freckles of his face, when it hit him with enough force to have him reeling.

_I love Simon Snow._

The thought was intrusive and loud and so undeniably _true_ that he pulled his pillow over his face and groaned into it, cursing whatever deity cast him with the least obtainable boy in the entire world.

Meanwhile, Simon slept blissfully, his dreams filled with flowing hair, pale skin and eyes that seem to shift between golden brown and pale grey.

\---

Class becomes hell with the new revelation. Baz finds his gaze wondering one too many times and knows that he must be obvious when even Simon notices.

"Hey." Simon starts one evening as Baz walks out of the bathroom. He doesn't jump but his heart does stammer in his chest.

"What do you want Snow?" He asks, narrowing his eyes as he goes to sit on his own bed.

Simon seems to consider his words, before just blurting, "Why do you keep staring at me?"

Internally, Baz's heart leaps to his throat and his small supply of blood turns to ice in his veins (and he thanks the stars that he hasn't got it in him to flush). Externally, he turns a cool gaze on Simon and says, "What makes you think I've been staring at _you_?"

"When I'm with Agatha you always- And in class- Even Penny-"

"Oh well if _even Penny_ says it, it must be true." Baz cuts in, voice dripping with sarcasm to cover any other emotions., "Did you ever consider that it's not you that I'm looking at, Snow?"

Baz watched the cogs turning in his head and takes guilty pleasure from watching the tips of his ears turn red, "You leave Agatha alone. She too good for you."

His lips curl into a vicious smirk, "Scared that she'll leave you for me, Snow? After all, not like she's your soulmate."

He regrets the words as soon as they've left his mouth. He sees Simon's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. After Simon spent the whole of the first year badgering Baz to show him his mark, the topic became sort of taboo. Baz has never willing mentioned soulmates around Simon and, after realising that he was never going to get an answer, Simon eventually dropped it.

But now Simon watches Baz carefully as he says, "Not like she's yours either."

"And how could you possibly know that?" Baz asks, trying to keep his cool despite the irrational fear that Simon _knows_.

Simon shrugs as he says, "Agatha doesn't have a soulmate. And it's not like I'm likely to find mine." His fingers absently run over the word on his skin and Baz feels an unbidden urge to grab his arm and run his tongue along the two letters. He suddenly _very_ glad that he can't blush.

"Well aren't you two just perfect for each other." Baz lays down, turning his back to Simon and being cautious to keep any bitterness out of his voice.

For a little while, Baz thinks that Simon must have decided to go to sleep- he heard him get up and open the window before laying down- but then his voice breaks the relative silence of their room. "What about your soulmate?"

Baz sighs, loudly and deliberately, "I've told you, Snow, my soulmate is none of your concern."

"But-"

"None. Of your. Concern."

"Just answer one question." Baz goes to cut him off but is stopped short, "And I swear I won't ever ask anything again."

Baz grits his teeth and closes his eyes, neither agreeing or disagreeing with the proposition.

"Have you met them?"

He thinks over the question, letting his fingers trace the words out of Simon's view. He thinks of the boy behind him, of his bronze curls, his blue eyes, his moles that mark him like stars do the night sky. 

"Yes. I've met them."

\---

**Year Eight**

Baz didn't expect working with Simon to be like this. They still argue. But it feels a lot more friendly. Like they were old friends. Friends with Simon. He never thought that would be a thing he could consider.

Of course, it's not just Simon. Him and Penny come as a package deal. Not that Baz considers that a bad thing. In fact, he'd almost go as far as to say he _enjoyed_ their company. Penny was delightfully smart and he could see why Simon was drawn to her (and he thanked Crowley that there was never anything romantic there because even his gay ass could see how Penny's wit could pull you in).

It was hard to deal with at times too. The way they all just... Hung out together. Sure, they were doing it to find his Mother's killer- and he wanted to find the bastard with all of his heart- but the whole thing just felt so... Domestic. He could almost see a future like this. Him and Simon living together, getting along, Penny coming over, all of them living without the pressures of the Families breathing down their necks.

But then Simon would snip at him and he'd crash back to earth, his idea of a happy future turning to ash around him. Him and Simon were destined to fight. Once this was over, they'd go back to hating each other until the time came when they had to fight and one of them would finish off the other. And Baz already knew who would win.

\---

After one of their meetings in his and Simon's shared room, Baz was walking to Catacombs, Penny beside him as she headed to the Cloisters. They walk in amicable silence until Penny suddenly grabs his arm and thrusts his sleeve up. He snarls and snatches his arm back but his eyes are wounded.

"What the fuck are you doing Bunce?" He spits, tugging his sleeve back down and clutching his arm.

"Testing a theory." She looks at him sadly through her pointed glasses, "Why didn't you tell him?"

The question pulls him up short. First, he can't believe that she would dare betray him like that. Despite the fact that she's not actually his friend, she sure has felt like it over the past few weeks. Second, he's ashamed at how obvious he must have been for Bunce to figure him out. It's not like the words on his arm are unquestionably Simon's. Penny didn't hear Simon's first words to him. But the reference to shaking something is kind of obvious if you're looking for it.

Third he can't believe that she'd ask something so stupid.

"Why? Maybe because we're destined to hate each other. Because I've been told my entire life that he's the enemy. Because he'd be happier not knowing."

She shakes her head in a pitying sort of way and he glares at her. "I won't tell him." He raises a sceptical eyebrow, "Honestly, I won't." She shoots one last sad smile at him before carrying on walking towards the Cloisters.

Baz hates himself but he can't help but ask, "Was it really that obvious?"

Penny stops again and surprises Baz by taking his hands, looking him in the eyes, "No. But you should tell him. He deserves to know."

He almost listens to her but instead wrenches his hands free and storms off towards the Catacombs, "Are you should stick out of other people's business."

\---

Baz doesn't return to their room until the sun has almost started to rise. Exhausted, he climbs under the covers of his bed and drops into a sleep filled with whispered words and unfinished confessions.

\---

Baz doesn't wear long sleeves at home. At home, he allows himself the luxury of short sleeved shirts and even one, guilty pleasure tank top. Once his Father tried to make him cover up the words around the kids ("You can't walk around with a swear word on your arm Basilton.") but he refused. Home was his freedom, he wasn't going to let his younger siblings ruin it.

So when he's told that there's someone at the door, he grabs a jumper before walking out into the foyer. Because there's only one person who would be wearing uniform outside of school and he's not about to give up his biggest secret because of not wearing a jumper.

But Simon being there does set his mind into a frenzy. He remembers what Penny told him and, while he doesn't want to admit that her words have been following him, he can't get them out of his mind. Telling Simon is a stupid idea. But isn't the whole situation stupid? What's the worst that would happen, Simon would hate him? Simon would kill him? He'd been preparing for that day his whole life, does it really matter if he brings it a little closer?

That night he argues back and forth with himself until Simon comes into his room to sleep on his sofa. Then he just watches him, thinking about how strange it is to have Simon _here_ , in his home, in his room. Sure they sleep in the same room at Watford but Simon is here by choice. He could have gone to Penny's but he came here, to Baz. He falls asleep smiling.

\---

The next morning, Baz showers and, a towel thrown around his waist, walks into his bedroom, routine and the earliness of the morning making him forget the important detail that is Simon. Simon, in his room. Sat on his sofa. Staring at him with wide eyes.

_Shit._

He can already see that Simon's seen. He feels his heart stop as he stands there frozen, more exposed than he's ever been.

Simon stands up slowly and starts walking towards him. Hesitantly at first and then deliberately. Baz hopes that he's actually heading for the open door behind him. He hopes that he's not.

He stops right in front of Baz, close enough that the cross around his neck puts a pressure on Baz's throat. Or maybe that's just Simon and the look that's in his eyes as he reaches out, so slowly, and takes Baz's arm. His fingers send shivers through Baz as he traces them over the words.

"These are mine." He says, eyes glued to the black letters and voice hoarse.

Baz sucks in a breath and nods.

Simon looks up, finally meeting Baz's eyes and they're filled with something that Baz is unable to place, "This is crazy."

And Baz is ready to wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment when Simon kisses him, setting him on fire.

Simon pushes and Baz pushes back, giving as good as he gets despite his brain melting into a puddle and his arm searing where Simon still holds it.

Pulling back as suddenly as he kissed him, Simon says, "Why didn't you tell me." And he sounds _angry_.

Baz, still reeling from the kiss blinks for a moment before saying in a voice that lacked his usual snark, "The Pitch heir and the Mage's heir? There's no way it could work."

Simon shakes his head, bronze curls bouncing, "That's bullshit." He mutters. And then they stand there for a while, both silent and stood too close. Simon doesn't let go of his arm.

Eventually Baz coughs slightly, "I need to-"

Simon jumps back like he's been burnt, like he's suddenly realised what just happened. And also how naked Baz is.

They awkwardly move around each other, Baz heading for his clothing and Simon stepping out of the door to give him privacy.

Once he's dressed, Baz looks outside his bedroom, almost certain that the hallway would be empty. But there he was, sat right next to the door, back against the wall. He jumps up as the door opens and the two boys stand there, looking at each other apprehensively.

"You don't-"

"I'm not-"

They both stop and wait for the other to continue. When it's apparent that neither of them are going to Baz sighs and gestures for Simon to follow him into his room. He sits on the bed and expects Simon to sit on the sofa but is surprised when he flops down next to him.

"Um..." Baz says and it's probably the least eloquent thing that Simon's ever heard him say.

"Let me just-" Simon sits cross-legged on the bed and gestures for Baz to do the same. Slowly he obeys. "Just-" Simon starts and stops again.

"Use your words, Simon." Baz snips before he registers that he's doing it. It's almost a reflex at this point.

It has the usual effect and Simon growls. What's new is when he launched forwards and kisses him, almost sending Baz toppling backwards. Baz spends about a second being shocked before allowing himself to drop his guard. Simon moves his jaw in a way that makes him come undone and he can't help but let out a tiny whine that makes Simon pull back with a grin.

"Did you just _whine_?"

Baz curls his lip before pulling him back down. He was finding that he might have a new addiction. Simon tasted of his magic, there was no other way to describe it. The bliss of kissing him is almost enough to make him forget about the cross that's constricting his throat and jangling his jaw. _Almost._

He pushes Simon back a little and he takes the hint, leaning far enough away to look at Baz.

"Is this okay?" He asks and Baz can't help but think that the question is the most stupid thing that Simon has ever said.

"The cross." Baz says as a way of explaining and, without hesitation, Simon takes it off, tossing it onto the bedside table before pushing himself toward Baz again.

\---

"We should probably talk about this." Baz says.

They'd stopped kissing a little while ago and instead just lay down next to each other, catching their breaths.

"We can't just go from enemies to-" Baz gestures between them to convey his point.

Simon grabs his waving hand and threads their fingers together, "Why not?"

Baz, smitten and exasperated, stares at their joined hands, "Because it's not that simple."

"It could be." Simon said, pulling Baz's arm towards him and pushing up his sleeve to trace the words that were there.

"We're destined to tear each other apart."

"We're destined to complete each other."

Baz shakes his head, "I don't know how we can just be..."

"Boyfriends?"

Baz smiles slightly, "Yeah, boyfriends. You're the chosen one, Simon. How can you be with me?"

"Because we're meant to be." He mumbles, kissing the words and turning Baz to jelly.

"A day ago you hated me." Simon shakes his head, "And what would the Mage say?"

Simon hesitates only slightly before saying, "Fuck the Mage."

Baz laughs and Simon sorely wishes that he would never stop, "You don't mean that."

"Maybe not but I do mean it when I say I want to be with you Baz. We were written in the stars. These words are more real than any prophecy about me."

They lay there in silence, hand in hand, for another few minutes before Baz speaks quietly.

"Okay."

Simon rolls onto his side and looks at him, "Okay?"

"We can try this." And he squeezes Simon's hand.

And when Simon smiles, he knows it'll be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry that it's not beta'd (feel free to tell me any mistakes so I can fix them)  
> This is kinda a spontaneous, unplanned mess so sorry if it's really bad but thank you for sticking with reading it and please feel free to drop a comment!


End file.
